Into The Sky [entries|friends|calendar] Effervescent Fake [ website | *You Are Stellar* ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

So done with wishing you were still here.. [16 Apr 2006|11:29pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Ne-Yo - So Sick ] happy easter :) one week from tomorrow i start my job at onstar. i'm soo happy. i'm super excited about it. i told donna i can't work weekdays anymore starting next week, and she wasn't too happy about it. she said i'm trying to kill her 'cos she's already short staffed. hahahaha. oh well, that's what they get for screwing me over so many times. i wonder what she'll do when i let her know i'm quitting. anyways. i have been soo sick lately. friday night at work, shandra and towanda lectured me and tried talking me into going to the hospital because my stomach was in so much pain that i started being a total jerk towards them and ended up crying because i hurt so bad. then, saturday i started throwing up at work and had to keep running to the bathroom. today i'm trying my best to hold it down, but i still feel really nauseated so i haven't eaten anything except for some chips because i'm afraid i won't be able to hold it down. oy vey. i have to go back to work tomorrow. it was so nice having today off. boo. there is so much drama at the job, it stresses me out beyond belief. last night though, even though i felt like i was dying, after work me and erica walked around the mall 'cos i was like hey my ex is working ya wanna see what he looks like? hahah. i told her the whole situation and how he's been treating me, so we walk by haggar, and she decides she wants to go in. oh my gah. haha. i was like, i'm going to kill you. i said it where daniel could hear me that way he knew it wasn't my choice, 'cos i was just planning on walking by there so she could see him. so we looked at pants for her boyfriend, and we were talking so much crap it was so funny. i didn't really look at him though, that way he wouldn't get mad at me. she kept an eye on him haha. so when we walked out, we went left, but then we realized that we needed to go right, so we were laughin' 'cos we knew he'd think we were doing it just to see him again, and so i got on my phone that way he wouldn't think that ya know, 'cos honestly that's not why we went left to begin with. so i glance over there 'cos erica said that he was staring mad hard at us. hahahahaha. so i glance over there,and we keep walkin' at a rather fast pace, and when we get to where you can't see him anymore, he leans over to watch us, and he was laughing with his coworker. he was probably talkin' crap, but ya know what..i don't care. anywho. lent's over. which means i can cuss and drink soda as much as i like. i haven't really cussed though. weird. and i've only drank a couple of sodas today. my stomach hurts too much to really be drinking or eating anything. :( boo. but anyways, i'm done. i don't feel good and i need to get to sleep soon so i'll hopefully feel a little better in the morning in time for work. <3 Sing for me, my angel of music

You know it will always just be me [11 Apr 2006|01:39pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Panic! At The Disco - Lying is the most fun a girl can have ] saturday i was at work, and i got a phone call. guess who from! Onstar! I start April 24th!! yayayyaya i'm super happy and excited about this! :) i won't have much free time from now on, but it's alright. starting april 24th i have training for six weeks, monday through friday, 3:30 p.m. 'til midnight. so yeah, that means i have to prebowl 'til training is over, guess what day i'm going to do it on? yup..sundays. hahahahaha. let daniel say something to me one time. ONE time and i'll have all my girls up there. :) then after training is over, i'll have mondays and tuesdays off, and i'll work wednesday through sunday 1p.m. 'til 10 p.m. i said i wanted mondays off 'cos that's when my league nights are. if i wanna bowl on thursday or friday, well the bowling alley is open 'til midnight or one anyways. no biggie i guess. i can't wait to get away from nascar speedpark. i'm working on what i should write on my resignation paper. mom said not to write i'm leaving because i hate it there. haha. but if i have to do an exit interview, i'm going to let the human resources or whoever gives the interview, a piece of my mind and let them know all of the bs that goes on inside that place. it's awful. it reminds me of the holocaust, only minus the gassing and killing, but i'm sure if they could get away with it, they would. last night at league, i was doing the "daniel bowl" hahhahaa. it actually worked though. everyone said that i should "bowl like a queer more often", 'cos they all think daniel is gay. ha. my second game i bowled a 142!! that's my highest game EVER. and we didn't lose! we tied. haha :) before bowling though, i went and hung out with towanda and lashandra. i met them over at concord mills, and they told me that before i got there, they had walked past daniel's store, and right in front of the entrance, they mocked the way he bowls, 'cos i went bowling with them friday and sunday, and i mocked the way he bowls, and sunday lashandra got to see for herself the way he bowls, and they cracked up laughing. so they walk up to the door, and do his bowling thing, and they said his face turned red. hahahah :) i love those girls. they always have my back. then we went to the old mall, and hung out there for a while, and then we went back to concord mills to attempt to shop 'cos i want new clothes and i need new shoes for onstar 'cos they said no opened toed shoes, but i can wear whatever i want..and well, i don't really wear closed toed shoes haha. but we had took vanessa 'cos i picked her up after school for her mom, and well..shopping with a nine year old, isn't really that great of an idea. haha. i didn't get anything but i plan on trying again sometime this week, maybe today. who knows. but okay i'm going to get off of here because as soon as mom gets home from work i'm going to hang out with them again. <3<3 2 Angels|Sing for me, my angel of music

R.I.P. [06 Apr 2006|06:16pm] Today, LaShandra's mom passed away. Rest in peace Ms. Lily Bradley. She put up one heck of a fight though.. :( Sing for me, my angel of music

But this table for one has become bearable. [05 Apr 2006|10:18pm] [ mood | crushed, angry, hurt, sad,etc. ] [ music | From Autumn To Ashes - Short Stories With Tragic Endings ] I'm so done. I'm through. After the things that jerk said to me today, I'm done. And to his little stupid immature friends who I know read this..you can let him know what I'm saying because I don't care anymore. So today, LaShandra calls me and tells me her brothers think she needs to get out of the hospital and get some fresh air because she hasn't been out of there since she came back from school yesterday morning when her mom's condition worsened. So I get dressed real quick and go pick her up, and we head off to the mall. Well first we needed to stop by SpeedPark so we could ask off for the morning of April 22nd because we're doing the MS Walk in memory of Towanda's mom. So, we leave and go talk to Towanda at FYE Games before she leaves to go to the lawyer's office. Well, she left, and so we had about an hour or two to kill before Towanda was done with the lawyer and then we were going to hang out with her. So we walk around the mall. We get to Haggar, and I was like well, let me go in there because I need to find out if he read the letter and blah blah. I was in a good mood before this mind you. So I go in there. He looked irritated. So I walk to the counter, and I go did you read the letter? And he goes yeah. I said well what'd you think? He said, it didn't change my mind any. And I was like, well why are you mad at me? Can I at least know that so I can deal with it myself finding out why you're mad at me? And he goes, You went to a guy's house without asking me first. And so I go, YOU TOLD ME I DIDNT NEED TO. YOU KNOW NOTHING HAPPENED BETWEEN ME AND HIM. And he said I should've told him or something. So I reminded him of how he told me when I asked him before, if he wanted me to stop flirting, if he wanted me to stop hanging out with guys, etc etc, and he always told me I didn't need to because he trusted me. I told him how can I know I needed to tell him when he always told me I didn't need to. Then he said something and I brought up how it was messed up how he told me one thing and everyone else another about why we broke up. And he asked what I meant, and I said he told me we broke up because of his issues:alcoholism, alcoholic classes, d.u.i., his family, his job, etc. and everyone else he told it was 'cos of Brandon. He told me he was just looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship. He also told me it was a mistake dating me and sleeping with me, and the only reason he dated me is 'cos he was drunk. And I said, no sweetie you weren't always drunk. You were sober when you first called me, when we went on our first date, when we first started dating, when we first had sex, when we hung out a lot outside of the bowling alley. He said 70-80% of the time he was drunk. I said yeah right. He said he dated me because his self-esteem or something was down because of the d.u.i, and I wasn't up to his standards, and he decided to date me just to see what happened. I asked if he ever loved me, and he said well you judge on past events that have happened since, and I said I don't know you tell me. And he goes "there was a flicker here and there." Then he said he couldn't handle my unstability. So I told him that I was completely stable when I was with him, that I was more stable than I have ever been in my life. Then he said me pestering him like I was today was what it was. So I said, I'm in here talking to you trying to figure out the truth since you seem to keep lying to me, can you ever tell the truth? And he said to certain people he can. He lied to me so much it's not even funny. THENNNNN HERE COMES THE STUFF THAT I WANT TO KILL HIM OVER. I told him it was messed up that when I told him the possibility of you know, he said he'd shoot himself in the head. He said after it "pops out" he wants a test done, and I said okay 'cos it's your's. I wasn't with anyone else. He said I was only single because nobody else wants me. And then he called me a SL*T (I can't cuss right now it's still Lent that's why I put the asterik). That made LaShandra mad. She asked him how I was one, if it made me one because I was only with him while we dated. He said because of my past. Then he mentioned me coming into the bowling alley with hickies, and I said you know why I did that? He goes "I know why you did it." and I go, why do you even care? He goes "I don't." So I said, if you don't then why'd you get so mad when I brought a guy in there that one night? And he goes "I didn't, I don't care." I said yeah you did, you got mad and started talkin' crap about me to the lady behind the counter I saw you. He also said we couldn't be friends. And I asked him why not, I said I'm not asking to hang out with me everyday. He said I'd want to though, and I said I'm busy with work right now I wouldn't have time to hang out everyday. I said I'm just asking for a phone call here and there, and he said I shouldn't count on it. He said his friends are trying to set him up with other girls, and I said okay so you weren't ready for a relationship when it came to me but you can date other girls? He said he isn't dating anyone. Lord knows, I didn't ask him if he had sex with anyone else. I think if he said yes, I'd proably kill myself. I asked was even a virgin when we dated, and he said "yeah I wouldn't lie about that." I said well aaron said you used to come into the bowling alley before me and you dated with a different girl every week. He started talkin' crap about Aaron and said that Aaron was probably trying to make Daniel look like the bad guy that way I'd fall for Aaron and that I should date Aaron, we'd "make a great couple right there". I could tell the sarcasm, and I said Aaron has a girlfriend. He goes so? And I said, they have a baby on the way, and he didn't tell her he'd shoot himself in the head for that one. WHAT A CONCEPT. He also told me that dating me was a mistake and he shouldn't have slept with me. When Nick came back from break, I was so angry and upset I just told LaShandra that I was ready to leave. Before I walked out though I told him I'm getting a test if I am, and then my mom WILL be calling his mom. I'm so mad right now I could probably kill him. He said some other stuff, but I'm so angry right now I don't think I could type it all up. I'm so angry right now. LaShandra said he'll get what's coming to him. The Daniel I talked to today, is not the Daniel I dated and loved. But yeah, I'm done typing in this 'cos the more I type about Daniel, the more I want to drive by his house, and punch him in his nuts. Sing for me, my angel of music

She didn't choose this role, but she'll play it and make it sincere. [04 Apr 2006|11:31pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Panic! At The Disco - Time To Dance ] I am so tired of coming in second place with everything, and pretty much everyone. It's like, no one thinks of me first. I know I sound selfish, but I don't care at this point. This is how I feel. I come second with everything. My job has yet to promote me, they'll give someone who was there three months and doesn't know anything about the place a blue shirt, but nooo, not I. Not me who's been there two years and knows how to do literally everything there. Screw Priscilla. My mom puts her boyfriend first, she'll drop everything and take off to Winston-Salem with the car when he wants to put on his stupid charm, I don't trust him but she doesn't care. And she hasn't "found me a car yet" but "she's looking" okay it doesn't take that long to find a car. Seriously. I'm tired of being put last after friends' boyfriends, who cares if I've always been there when they need someone. Psh, get a boyfriend and Priscilla's out of the picture. I'm tired of being second place with other girls too. It's bad enough my self esteem is already at an all time low, but I get put after other girls. It's like I have to beg some guys that I like for their attention because of some other stupid girl who everyone says isn't as pretty as me. And I know it isn't all about looks, but in this case I don't see how it can be about personality either. And Daniel doesn't seem to even give me a second thought. Tomorrow was supposed to be our anniversary. But we're not together anymore, now are we? So much for that "I see us being together for a very long time and I don't plan on being the one to end it." And the "I love you so much Priscilla" and the talks about houses and kids and pets and futures. SCREW IT ALL. I'm so tired of this. I feel like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown again, and it isn't pretty. I'm trying to be strong for Towanda and LaShandra since Towanda needs me 'cos her mom died, and LaShandra's mom is dying as I type this. Me and Towanda went to the hospital today, I left work early 'cos they took Ms. Bradley off of life support and off the ventilator and she has a few more hours expected to live. Why does life suck so much? Sing for me, my angel of music

Well she's not bleeding on the ballroom just for the attention. [02 Apr 2006|02:14pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Panic! At The Disco - Lying is the most fun a girl can have ] i'm actually off from work today :) hooray. all i've done lately is work, work, work. it's sad actually. i took a drug test the other day for petro, so i'll have two jobs soon until onstar starts training, which hopefully will be SOON. the drama at nascar speedpark is insane. however, if i can work it out, i think i wanna stay and work at speedpark while working at onstar. it won't be as many hours, but i've taken a small liking to the place, mainly just the friends there. like i don't wanna leave towanda and lashandra and devian and a few other people. speaking of towanda, pray for her and her family. they need it badly. on top of her mom passing away, towanda's grandma has been in and out of the hospital this weekend, and they can't seem to figure out what's wrong with her. i hate doctors. pray for lashandra too, 'cos her mom is still in the hospital. :( i'm not going to the bowling alley tonight. i don't even know if i'm going to go next week. it's just too hard seeing daniel there and him looking at me like he used to and not saying anything. it kills me, and i don't think i can do it tonight. i went to the bowling alley thursday night though, and we were on the lanes beside of his. i could feel him watchin' me sometimes when i bowled. i know this sounds stupid, but the few times i get a strike, it feels as if i'm doing it for him, and i always catch myself hoping he saw it, 'cos when we dated he'd always tell me to bowl a strike for him and he'd give me a kiss, and i don't know..i just want it to go back to how it used to be, when we were together and we were happy. i want us to be together again, i want to be happy again. :( So anyways, i think i'm going to get off of here and maybe go take another nap. lately i've been so drained of all energy it's insane. Now everytime I see you, I pretend I'm fine.. When I wanna reach out to you, But I turn it around and I let it ride.. Don't forget about us.. Sing for me, my angel of music

[24 Mar 2006|09:51am] ( Another survey ) ( Another survey ) ( Another survey ) ( Another survey ) ( Another survey ) ( Another survey ) Sing for me, my angel of music

I can see it in your eyes you still want it, so don't forget about us.. [24 Mar 2006|07:46am] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Mariah Carey - Don't Forget About Us ] it's like 15 'til 8 a.m. and i'm awake. blah. i have to be at work at 12, well i'm scheduled for 2, but me and towanda left donna a note saying we're coming in at 12 so we can clean up from the catering event last night. yesterday i had an interview over at petro. i really don't want the job there now, but the interview went well. blah. i'm only going to keep it until onstar calls me back, because onstar pays a heck of a lot more than any convience store could. haha. :) as soon as i get that job at onstar, i'm going to give towanda a reference. so after the interview, i went to work, which i was ten minutes late for, but they didn't care, heck..towanda was parking when i was parking so we walked in together. haha. we worked from 2 'til like 8:30. for like an hour we were in the mall walking around and gettin' food 'cos towanda doesn't eat a lot now, and she was sick and doubling over, so i asked donna if we could go get some food for her. so yeah, then after we got off work, towanda wanted a pedicure really bad 'cos her feet were hurting her, and she deserves it, and her uncle decided to be nice and put money in her account so she could get one, so i hung out with her while she got that done 'cos she didn't wanna go alone. after she was finished with that, we were walking around the mall and it was like, 9:15 so the mall was going to close soon. well,earlier i had let her read this note i wrote daniel the other day at work, and she thought it was good, and so i decided that if he was still in there, and if he was in there by himself with no other employee and no customer, i'd go in there and give it to him.. he was in there, by himself. that rarely happens, i always see at least one customer in there. i was like, what are the odds? so, i'm shaking 'cos i'm so nervous, and i grab a little bit of courage and towanda walked in there with me, and i walk up to the counter and when i walked in, he didn't get this look like get the heck out, which surprised me, so i walk up, and i was like.. "will you read this?" and he goes "maybe" and gives me a smile, that smile that makes me melt. gah. he kinda did this little grin and i giggled and i stood there for a minute 'cos he was counting money and he goes "you can leave it there, i'll read it" and i was like.."okay, are you mad at me still?" and he shook his head yeah, and i go "why? i don't know why" and he goes "i don't have time to talk about this i'm trying to close" and i was like "fine, will you call me later?" and he goes "probably not" and i was like..:-/ and he goes you can leave the note on the counter, i'll read it. and i go "you will?" and he goes "Yeah" and I said "You promise?" and he said "yeah" and i go okay, and then i laid it on the counter,and said "if it's a little unreadable i'm sorry i wrote it the other day at work, and he goes "that's fine" and i go okay well have a good night and i walked out, and then i broke into tears. it went better than i expected. i didn't get a "get the F*** out cunt" or anything, and he didn't look mad that i went in there. this is what gets me.. okay, i can read daniel pretty well. i don't mean to sound like some weirdo, but i mean,when we dated we were way close, and see here's the thing about daniel..he might be able to lie real well with his words, but his eyes..his eyes can't lie. i have always been able to read him through his eyes really well, and i remember telling him that a few times while we were dating. last night, when he looked up and smiled at me..like mariah carey says, "I can see it in your eyes you still want it so don't forget about us." i swear, last night, i even told towanda this as soon as we walked out and i stopped crying, i saw it in his eyes, i saw the way he used to look at me, i saw the feelings he had for me, the love he had for me, it was all still there. i'm not going to get my hopes up or anything, but DEAR GOD i want this so badly i can't stand it, i want this so badly it hurts. i'm praying to God that the letter opens his eyes and he calls me or comes up to me when he sees me and that we get back together. PLEASE OH PLEASE GOD, please give me this ONE thing. pleaseeeee. i want this so badly i can taste it. i would give anything, well except my soul to the devil, to have daniel back. i would give up being vegan and vegetarian if it meant that i could spend the rest of my life with the man i'm in love with. i'm trying my best not to cry, but i want this more than anybody can imagine. I love you Daniel Rawlings Haga :(  okay so next topic before i break down crying.. hopefully plans won't get cancelled, and next week towanda is going to come over and spend the night with me :) yay. i'm going to teach her to knit because her mom had started a scarf for shawanda, and towanda wants to finish it. andddd we might go clubbing, or we might get drunk, or we might do all of the above. :) and i'm going to cook a vegan burger or something for her. hooray :) i hope it doesn't get cancelled :) alrighty, well i'm done rambling on about my stupid life, so i'm going to listen to music and then take a shower before work. hooray? <3 Sing for me, my angel of music

another survey [22 Mar 2006|08:46am] 70 THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT ME... 1. Initials: PXLK 2. Name someone with the same birthday as you: I have no idea.. 3. Favorite fruit? Granny Smith Apples, Grapes, do cherries count as fruits? 4. For or against same sex marriage? Whatever makes you happy, it's your life, not mine. 5. Are you allergic to anything? Sulpha medications, Cats even though I have one, Bees, and I think tofu..:( 6. Are you bisexual? No. 7. Have you ever slept in someone elses clothes? Yup, the last time I did that though, I was dating Daniel and I wore his jacket to sleep every night. 8. How many U.S states have you been to? I dunno? I don't feel like counting. 9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in? Technically 2 because me and my mom moved to Hawaii when I was a baby, but then we moved back here. 10. Have you ever lived outside the U.S? No. 11. Name something physical you like about yourself: My hair when it likes to cooperate, and my eyes :) 12. Something non-physical you like about yourself? I'm vegan. 13. Do you have any pets? A stupid cat, Tinkerbelle. 14. What is your dream car? Z28 Red Camaro. Or my old Dodge Intrepid. :( 15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? Either Hawaii to visit family I haven't seen in years, or Italy. 16. Are you bipolar? Not that I'm aware of. 17. What dream car do you want your husband to drive? Doesn't matter to me. 18. Where would you want to go on a first date? Anywhere I wanted? Hm..the beach to walk along the beach at sunset. <3 19. Would you date the person who posted this before you? Eh, well I'm not a lesbian and neither is Michelle..so no? haha. 20. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? Daniel used to sing to me. 21. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Yeah, but let's not go into who it was. Blah. 22. Do you like bowling? Yup, even though I suck. 23.Have you ever bungee jumped? No, but I want to. 24. Have you ever white water rafted? No, I want to. I was supposed to go in like middle school with my youth group, but my mom wouldn't let me. 25. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? Oh dear Lord, yes. All the time. I wish they'd stop! 26. Are you racist? Nope! 27. What song are you listening to right now? Motion City Soundtrack - Make Out Kids 28. What's a song that you love to dance to? Anything that I can dance to :) 29. What was the last movie you watched? Some move on Lifetime 30. Where was the last place you went besides your house? NASCAR Speedpark to work, and then across the mall to FYE Games to visit Towanda at work :) 31. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? ONE time, it wasn't that serious though, Mike had said some pretty bad things about me, well he claimed he didn't say it, but eh this was when I was really emotional and unstable because he put me through a lot of things so me and a friend through eggs at his car, but we only hit his car like twice, out of a dozen eggs. Haha. But that was like, 2 years ago. 32. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? In middle school me and my cousin got into a fist fight 'cos he pushed my sister down at the bus stop and hurt her. 33. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? The way he dresses. Or his face. Usually both. I don't know. 34. What's ur fav. body part on the opposite sex? It depends I guess.. 35. What do you usually order from Starbucks? I don't usually go, but I have like twice and I got Passion Tea. Yum. 36. Say something totally random about yourself: I hate odd numbers, except 7 and 13. I can't pop one knuckle without popping them all. I'm a very emotional person, and when I fall in love, I fall hard. And if one more person tells me I don't love Daniel because we didn't date long enough to fall in love, I think I might seriously snap and beat the living crap out of them because you don't know how I feel or felt, so shut up before you regret saying anything to me. Just because we didn't date that long, doesn't mean that we didn't share a lot of stuff and that we didn't fall in love. So if you wanna say something, don't talk to me. Say it to someone who wants to listen to your crap. 37. Do you have an iPod? No. 38. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Probably. It's 8:30 in the morning right now and I can't remember anything though. 39. Do you have freckles? No, but if I get really really tan, I think I have a few on my face. 40. Are you comfortable with your height? Yep! Even though I get called short a lot, I like being 5 ft 1.25 in! :) 41. Do you love someone right now? Yes :( 42. How tall are you? 5' 1.25" 43. Do you speak any other language other than english? I can speak Spanish, not totally fluent, but I'm pretty good at it. 44. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Yeah, my stepdad used to drive limos. Bleh, he used to pick me up from school once in a while in them. Blahhhh 45. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? Yeah :( R.I.P. 46. Do you watch MTV? Not very often. I have to really be bored and nothing else on t.v. 48. What's something that really annoys you? Liars, people who will do anything for attention, hypocrites, bad grammar, people who spell your and you're wrong, and some other stuff that if I put in here, someone's going to get mad at me. 50. Do you like Michael Jackson? Not really.. 51. Have you ever surfed? No, but my uncle said whenever I got to visit him in Oahu, he'll teach me! :) 52. Do you know how to pump gas? Well duh.. 53. Do you drive? Yup. 54. What's the latest you have ever stayed out? Well..I've not come home for a few days before. But if you mean in one night..me and Daniel used to stay out pretty late and I wouldn't get home 'til like, 4 or 5 a.m. 55. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die? Yeah..let's not go into that. 56. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? 3 times that I can recall. 2 times 'cos I was in two pretty bad wrecks, and one that I'd rather not talk about. 57. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do? Yeah, but unless it's unethical, I don't turn down dares. 58. What's your favorite state to live in? Definately not North Carolina. Haha. 59. What color is your hair? Naturally..brown. Right now it's dark brown and it was supposed to have red tints, but for some odd reason, it's starting to lighten up naturally and there are a few blonde streaks in there for some reason. That always happens.. 60. What color are your eyes? Brown 61. Do you have any special talents? Well, singing and acting and writing. 62. Favorite non-alcoholic drink? Cherry Lemon Sundrop! :) 63. Favorite city? I don't know. Saint Louis? 64. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? No. 65. Have you ever had a body shot done off of you or done a body shot? No. 66. Who do you live with? Mi madre. 67. Last thing you watched on TV? I don't remember. I haven't had time to watch t.v. in a few days. 68. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Contacts. 69. Have you ever taken a roadtrip? Yup. In the past few years I've been to Pennsylvania about three or four times, Missouri, Myrtle Beach. Before that, Florida, Kentucky, and some others I can't think of. 70. Ever been to a strip club? When I went to Missouri we were going to go, and we drove all the way there, and then didn't go in. Haha, we still had a fun night though. :) Sing for me, my angel of music

[19 Mar 2006|03:03pm] 9 lasts -last place you were: nascar speedpark working -last cigarette: eh, i don't smoke. -last beverage: i'm drinking tea right now -last kiss: wouldn't you like to know.. -last movie seen: some move on lifetime. you know how it goes -last phone call: Towanda -last cd played: my mixed cd -last bubble bath: i can't even remember. -last time you cried: yesterday a little bit because i really wanted to go to towanda's mom's funeral, and it made me sad that i couldn't go --------------------------------------------------------- 8 have you evers. -have you ever dated someone twice: more than twice. -have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: oh yes. -have you ever fallen in love: yep, and it hurts that we aren't together anymore. -have you ever been depressed: my whole life. -have you ever been drunk and thrown up: once, 'cos i was way super drunk and stephanie had really made me mad and i was already emotional and yeah.. -have you ever hit another person: yep. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 7 states you’ve been to: 1. North Carolina 2. Hawaii when I was a baby 3. South Carolina 4. Missouri 5. Pennsylvania 6. Florida 7. Kentucky --------------------------------------------------------------------- 6 things you've done today. 1. Got dressed and ready for work 2. Went to work 3. Cooked food 4. Ate food 5. Drank gingerale and tea :) 6. Laundry ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 5 favorite things 1. God 2. Family 3. Friends 4. Being vegan 5. Being loved.. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4 people you can tell pretty much anything to 1. God 2. Erin 3. Towanda 4. Lashandra -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3 favorite colors 1. Pink 2. Blue 3. Red ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2 things you want to do before you die 1. Get married. 2. Be happy again. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 thing you regret Losing the guy I'm in love with, even though there's nothing I can do to change it. :( Sing for me, my angel of music

Rest in peace. [14 Mar 2006|09:47am] [ mood | sleepy ] Rest in Peace Ms. Johnson. 03*13*06 Yesterday morning Towanda's momma passed away. :( I just saw her a few days ago at SpeedPark and she seemed fine, I don't get it. Yesterday morning Towanda sent me a text tellin' me to pray for her mom, she was taking her to the hospital 'cos she was having heart problems and depending on how her mom got, she might or might not come in to work.. Thirty minutes later she told me she was gone. I was going to go visit Towanda yesterday, but all her family was at her house, so I'll probably just go over there today. I'm beginning to think I'm bad luck. I mean seriously..look at how many deaths have happened to people I know within the past two years. FIVE. Five people in two years. Well, not even two years. It started with Kathie who passed away September of '04..so not even two years. Oy vey. :( Rest in peace. On a lighter note, because if I continue talkin' about that, I'm going to start crying and I have to work today and I already cried about it yesterday at work. Blah. I joined my momma's league yesterday, me and Brittney both. Even though I suck. Badly. Oh well, it's all in fun I suppose. Well I guess I'll get off here now and head to work. Oh the joy. At least my paycheck will be nice for a change. Hooray. <3<3 Sing for me, my angel of music

Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back [10 Mar 2006|11:36am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Nirvana - Heart Shaped Box ] i woke up at like ten this morning because my phone kept going off. at first i wasn't going to wake up because in my dream it was lou calling so i just kept hitting ignore in my dream. hahaha. but i woke up and it was towanda calling because donna wants me to come into work at three. so now i have to find some way to get there. i wish mom's tax refund check would hurry up and get here so i can get a car, and hopefully this time, not total it. :) hehe. so anyways, yesterday brittney went with me to get job applications so i can get a second job. while we were at the mall donnie was working at reebok, so we walked in there just to spite him. hahahahaha. he walked next door to rockport and then had some guy look to see if we were in there, which we were and then the guy starts checking us out and i was like oh Lord. i'll be surprised if the first person he called wasn't daniel to tell him we were there. i have not had soda in ten days, and i still have like thirty more until Lent is over. ahhh. but yeah, i got new tounge rings yesterday, and i think they are super cute :) hooray. there's five different colours, so pretty much i can match whatever i'm wearing. yaya! :) and now i don't have to worry if i accidently bite down on it, i don't have to worry about chipping the rhinestone out. :) and it doesn't have to remind me of daniel because i wasn't wearing these tounge rings when i met him. yaya. yesterday i was watching this movie on lifetime, and it was about this guy who was trying to kill this woman and her family because she accidently cut him off on the freeway. WTF?! that's crazy stuff. so last night i had this weird dream. i've had one like it before, but this one was a little different. for some reason, i was back in high school, and i think it was senior year, and i was getting to do the last show with colorguard and i was all happy because i wanted to do it one last time before high school ended, and so we were all getting ready, and i have no idea who the other girls were. the only person i knew was jennifer, the instructor, but in the dream i knew them all. weird. anyways, this one girl was getting her flags ready, and she stepped on one, and split the flag, and jennifer started cussing at her and telling her she could no longer do the show. well, my flag was already kinda ripped, she saw it, said it didn't matter just tape it up. haha.i don't remember most of the rest, just getting our flags ready, doing makeup, going to do the show and then getting all emotional when it was over. i do remember though that we won first place all around. then at the end of the dream i was at some house i think it may have been mine in the dream and there was some little kid there with a few adults, and there was this weird toy i don't know. then all of a sudden there was a dinosaur in the house and he was trying to attack us and i remember saying something and the kid was hiding under pillows and i don't remember much. weird. okay i'm done writing in this for now, i suppose if i get bored enough later i'll write in here again, but for now i'm going to go eat a vegan burger and keep an eye out on maribel's house for the furniture people so i can let them in. <3! Sing for me, my angel of music

[08 Mar 2006|03:14pm] *MySpAcE SuRvEy* --THE BASICS-- [name]: Priscilla Xanadu LaChai Kinley [birthdate]: December 8, 1986 [sex]: Female [relationship status]: Single [shoe size]: 7 1/2-8 1/2 [parents still together]: Heck no [siblings]: One younger sister [pets]: A kitten who's annoying - Tinkerbell :) --FAVORITES-- [color]: Pink [number]: 8 and 13 [time of year]: Summer and winter [type of weather]: Rainy, snowy [food/drink]: Vegan pizza and tofu/Cherry Lemon Sundrop --DO YOU-- [twirl your hair]: Sometimes [have any tattoos]: No [cheat on tests]: No [like scary movies]: I think they're funny [like cleaning]: No, but I like to be clean.. [know how to drive a standard]: Only if you consider shifting from 5th to 2nd 3 times in a row knowing how to drive it.. [own a cell phone]: Yep [collect anything]: Pictures and stuff to put in my scrapbook..that and change --HAVE YOU EVER-- [been in a fist fight]: With my sister [considered a life of crime]: I'm gangsta [considered being a hooker]: Meet me at the corner of Church and Tryon tonight and I'll let you know [been in love]: I am..:( [made out with just a friend]: Duh [hurt someone you love]: The one I love hurt me, not vice versa [kicked someone in the nuts]: When I was younger I used to punch guys in the nuts. hahaha --CURRENT-- [clothing]: A towel. I just got out of the shower :) [hair]: Wet [song you are in love with]: Don't Forget About Us - Mariah Carey [cd in your stereo]: A mixed cd [mood]: depressed [thing you ought to be doing]: Nothing --LOVE-- [first crush]: Timmy Fowler [first kiss]: Chris Hopkins [first love]: Mike Eudy [do you believe in love at first sight]: Kind of, but you have to get to know them to really be in love with them. [do you believe in "the one"]: Yep, but I lost mine :'( [are you a tease]: I can be. [would you ever commit yourself to someone 100%]: I did, and he broke up with me in December --ARE YOU-- [honest]: Yes [sarcastic]: Sometimes [a daydreamer]: Definately [up tight or laid back]: A little of both [messy or organized]: Again, a little of both [shy our outgoing]: Depends on my mood --RANDOM-- [nervous habits]: I twiddle my fingers, look down at the ground, get fidgety, move my legs a lot, bite my lip, etc. [are you double jointed]: No. [can you roll your tongue]: Yeah [do you make your bed daily]: I like to sleep on couches, duhhhh. [which shoe goes on first]: Whichever one I find first. --IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU-- [bought something]: Yep..gas for my car, I got my nails done, vegan food, flip flops, and I can't think of what else. [been sick]: I'm always sick. [sang]: Every day. [missed someone]: Every moment of every day, even while I'm sleeping I miss him. :( [gotten drunk]: I wouldn't say drunk..buzzed maybe. [gotten a haircut]: HECK NO [watched cartoons]: Probably [been kissed]: Nope. [lied]: Not that I'm aware of. --LAST PERSON THAT-- [you spent the night with]: Erin. [spent the night with you]: Erin. [saw you cry]: Erin. haha, notice a pattern? [made you cry]: Daniel. [you said "i love you" to]: As in like I'm in love with you? --Daniel. [told you they loved you]: Daniel if you're talking about that kind of love. --WHAT IS-- [the best feeling in the world]: Loving someone and knowing that they love you in return. [the worst feeling in the world]: Them breaking up with you. [your greatest fear]: My greatest fear has already happened, I lost the guy I'm in love with. [the thing you want most in life]: To be with Daniel. Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d Sing for me, my angel of music

I do hereby swear a bounty on your heart. [06 Mar 2006|10:01am] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | Melissa Etheridge - Only One ] I have to kill time until 9:30 when I need to call Brittney to wake her up so she can get dressed and come over here so we can go to the gym for our training session since I don't have to work today. Yesterday at work, me+Towanda+LaShandra spent FIVE hours doing inventory, and by the time we were done, we were so beat up and worn out, I'm surprised we all didn't fall over dead. Oh well, at least my paycheck will have a few more hours added on this week. I wish there was a pill or something I could take to at least stop me from dreaming or something, or keep me awake to where I don't need to sleep therefore there is no possibility of me dreaming. I am so sick and tired of dreaming about me and Daniel getting back together, and having to wake up to realize that "HEY BUDDY JUST KIDDING, you're still alone and miserable and you've lost the love of your life and he's not coming back." I cried myself to sleep last night praying to God to just send him back to me. I want to hear his voice whispering my full name, telling me he loves me and how he sees us together for a really long time. I want to feel his hands tracing the outline of my face. I want to hear him to compliment me and tell me how beautiful I am, and how he noticed that I did my hair the way he likes it, or tell me how much he likes the shirt I'm wearing and I should wear it next week because he bowled better that night. I want to wipe away his tears when he cries about stuff that's getting to him, or when we're talking about his past. I want to kiss him when he's hurt, or even when he's happy. I want to feel our fingers entwined, our hands were made for each other. They locked together just right. I want to go driving, park my car, us hop in the backseat, and just cuddle for a while and talk about everything that's went on in our lives. "I'll be your conscience," he once told me when I was upset about how much everything has changed since graduation. He told me that I was the girl who was going to bring him out of his depression..I want to be that girl again. I want him to love me. I just want us to be US again. The night we broke up he told me he still cared about me..gah, I miss him so much. It tears me up seeing him at the bowling alley just having a great ol' time without me. Last night I just wanted to run over to him and beg him to take me back, but I knew I couldn't. I don't know why I still go up there knowing he'll be there and knowing that if I don't throw up afterwards, I'm going to end up crying anyways. But I can't not go, if that makes any sense at all. Because the truth is, I'm still in love with that boy just as much, if not more, as I was when we were dating. And I do believe in all honesty, that I will probably never get over this one. In all the guys I've dated, I have never felt happier, more complete, more right, than I did with Daniel. And now I hate myself. I mean, I've never really liked myself much, but with Daniel I didn't hate myself. I was happy. For once in my life, something was right. I didn't have to feel self-conscience, I didn't have to worry about my appearance, or think about what I should say to please him. I mean, I still tried to look my best and all that, and I would fix my hair for him, but I mean, it didn't matter because I knew that no matter what, he still loved me for me, and it didn't matter if I wore make up. It didn't matter what I looked like because he loved me. Why can't something, FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, work out the way I want it to?! And for people who say it could be worse, screw you. You have no idea what I have to put up with in my life. But on to another topic that way the water in my eyes doesn't feel a need to become a waterfall which I feel coming on if I don't shut up.. Yesterday I was walking into the mall to go to work and I was walking with Somia, and the moment I walk inside, guess what glimpse from the past I see? Mike. He was walking by Macado's because apparently, Allyson got a job there. I saw her behind the counter thing when I was talking to Somia. The shocking news?..It didn't phase me in the least. I wasn't hurt, I wasn't upset, I didn't cry, and I didn't want to cry. In fact, after I told Towanda and LaShandra who I saw, I joked about it twice afterwards maybe, and I haven't thought about it until now. Amazing. :) Tonight is my mom's bowling league night. AH. Last week after me and Brittney left to go work out, mom told me she was talking to Matt Tyo, because her team was playing his, and he was like, "I know you from somewhere" and momma was like, "You went to school with my daughters" and she told him who her kids were and he was like "I remember Priscilla" and mom goes..she's been up here every Monday, that was her who left a little while ago.. Mom said his face dropped and him and his friends were shocked. I told mom and Brittney that they probably didn't recognize me..I look WAYYY super different from the last time that I saw any of them. Stupid Jay M. Robinson being built. Anyways, I think, maybe just maybe, I'm going to go up to Missouri probably either the middle of May or the beginning of June for a few days to go be with Josh. :) Who knows though, it's only March right now. If I do go, I doubt I'll even see Jason. Josh would probably get mad or something, last time I went up there when me and Jason were dating, he would even talk to me..oy vey. So I'd rather it be peaceful and not drama filled. But I think it'd be nice to at least see Jason at least once when I go up there. I mean, after all we did date for like, five months..we'd probably still be dating right now if me and Daniel wouldn't have started dating. But yeah, it's 10:00 so I must leave to go work out. HOORAY. :) <3 Sing for me, my angel of music

All the immediate unknowns are better than knowing this tired and lonely fate. [27 Feb 2006|09:43am] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | Mariah Carey - We Belong Together ] the five hours of sleep i got, weren't all that great. in fact, i think i would have gotten a better rest if i would have just stayed awake. i dreamt of daniel. then again, when don't i dream of him? this time was different. i woke up and when i realized it was just a dream, i wanted to cry. i want to cry now, but i'm determined not to. in my dream, me and brittney had came to my house, and for some reason, daniel lived down the road. well, me and brittney were getting out of, or into-i can't really remember which, the car, and daniel was walking out of his house and down the road in the direction of my house. it was apparent that he was a little drunk, and i made a comment to brittney, "wow, he's drunk. i bet you he'll come and say something to me." though i wasn't aware of what he would say, i figured it would be some asshole remark. well, as he got closer, i got nervous, like i normally do now when he's in my presence. sure enough, he started heading into my driveway, and i got super nervous. i walked around the car to him, and i was like "hey.." all girly like and he smiled at me and walked towards me and was like "heyyyy" with this big grin. i was so surprised that he was talking to me. then he gave me a hug and he was like, "babydoll i am so sorry. i miss you so much. i made a big mistake breaking up with you and i want you back." and i was like "i love you so much." and he leaned in to kiss me, and we were holding each other as if our lives depended on it, and we were leaned against the car kissing, and he was like "i've wanted to do this for so long" and i remember saying "Is this a dream?" and brittney laughed and said "no, this is real" and i said "good". and then brittney was like hey prissie you win the bet. and daniel was like what? and i was like don't worry about it, and he kissed me again. it was all a dream. i had a nightmare that followed that one, but ironically, the nightmare is nothing compared to the pain i felt when i realized that the dream of me and daniel was just that..a dream. i can't even escape in my dreams.. Sing for me, my angel of music

[22 Feb 2006|03:35am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Mariah Carey - Don't Forget About Us ] i miss you. i close my eyes, and images of me and you haunt the back of my eyelids. i can't help it. the more i try to not think of you, the faster the images spin around in my head. images of me and you together, happy. i can still hear you telling me you love me, and how beautiful i am. i can still feel your arms around me when you pull me in for a hug, and i still remember how fast my heart would beat when you'd trace my face with your hands before kissing me. i can still feel the excitement the first time you kissed me, and how happy i was when we were sitting in your room watching the t.v. and we decided to start dating each other. when you told me that you were already referring to me as your girlfriend, i was so happy, but i was even happier the night you first told me you loved me. i can still hear you telling me that you're falling for me, and you that you could see us lasting a long time..but unforunately, that didn't happen. we were so happy. what happened to that? what went wrong? maybe if things were already going bad when we broke up i'd understand, but everything was fine. i don't understand. it takes all i can to hold back tears when i think of you, or when these images of me and you play in my head. it takes all i can to not cry when i see you laughing with your buddies, especially when i know you're probably laughing about me, considering that you've decided to start calling me foul names. i didn't do anything wrong. i don't understand if the reason we broke up is because you have issues that you need to deal with, how can you turn around start being a dickhead to me? all i wanted after we broke up is for us to at least remain friends that way i wouldn't lose you completely, but you wouldn't even give me that. i would have given you everything, and you can't even give me enough respect to not call me names. i would still give you everything. no matter how awful you treat me, and how many times my friends tell me to forget about you, if you were to call me on the phone this very second and tell me how sorry you are and that you want to get back together, i'd drop everything in a flash, and i'd tell you yes. i'm in love with you. the night i told you i was falling in love with you, i was dead serious. i don't say that unless i really mean it. i have only been in love with two guys, but with you it was so much more than the first one. i was truely happy with you. it's not fair how you took it all away. how could you do that? i don't understand, i was happy,and you were happy. you even told me the night you broke up with me that i made you happy. THEN WHY DID YOU DUMP ME? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND BREAK MY HEART? i told you that my biggest fear was losing you, and you told me that that wasn't going to happen. you lied. well, apparently, i just wrote a shit load more than this, but i think that when i get depressed and i drink..i do stupid shit, and i somehow erased it. i geuss it's for the bestter right now. because i feel like vomitting and crying at the same time. i miss you baby. i want you back. please come back to me. i miss your kisses, your hugs, your touches. i miss our conversations, talking about our future together, moving into a country club house, our future kids' names, our future pets. i miss us. :( Sing for me, my angel of music

My dreams are infested with words you used to say. [10 Feb 2006|01:22pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | The Spill Canvas - All Hail The Heartbreaker ] i hate thinking. i hate being alone because when i'm alone, i start thinking. and i hate waking up after a dream that daniel was about to ask me back. i refused to wake up until it was too unbearable because i was already waking up and i knew that it was just a dream then. [in the dream, me and brittney were at the bowling alley, and daniel + donnie + william + william's girlfriend were there, and they were bowling.brittney had went to the bathroom, and on her way there, daniel stopped her and was talking to her and telling her stuff like he missed me and was thinking about asking me to take him back and stuff. and brittney was like "well she misses you like crazy. you know she loves you" and he goes "i know, i miss her too." so me and brittney decide to bowl, and they put us on the lane next to him and his buddies. well, in my dream while i was at the counter getting my bowling shoes, i could hear daniel saying "man she's so beautiful" like he used to :( but anyways, so me and brittney go to bowl, and daniel keeps looking at me and halfway through the game, they ask if they can be on our lane too, and then daniel wants me to put him last because i'm first which means that after he bowls, i bowl, and we'll have four other players to wait for that way we can talk.. he was walking over to me to talk, when i woke myself up.] i want to go to a club. i want to go dancing. dancing makes me feel better. or just completely TRASHED. that will make me feel better, as long as i'm not depressed before i drink. depressed + drinking = BAD. maybe i should just stop listening to such fucking depressing music. even erin said my music would make her want to kill herself. ah! haha. we're going to start school in the fall. i'm excited. i mean, i hated uncc pretty damn bad, but i think that was because i didn't really know anyone in my classes, and everyone who knows me knows that when i'm alone, it's not so good. that's one of my biggest fears. so if i go to a community college with erin, then i don't think it will be so bad because then i won't be alone. hooray. but anyways. me and erin are supposed to work out today. i'm excited. i want to get into shape. maybe that will help me feel a little bit better about myself. it has been almost two months since we break up. TWO MONTHS. why can't i get over it already? i'm pissing myself off. i hate feeling emotions now, because i know i should be over it already, and for some reason i can't. maybe the 16th will help me get over it. 'cos then it really will be two months. everyone told me "give him two months, two months and i know he'll come back to you." well if that's true, he's got six days. EVERYONE told me to wait two months and he'd come around. well, i don't see that happening. i did at first, my hopes were so high, but now reality has kicked in, and after what i told him, and the way he reacted, i don't see us ever getting back together. daniel is no longer the daniel i dated. he's the alcoholic asshole daniel now, not the sweet+caring+sensitive+iloveyousomuchbaby daniel. oy vey. I will sleep another day, I don't really need to anyway What's the point when my dreams are infected with words you used to say. 1 Angel|Sing for me, my angel of music

I'm just a dumb girl. [07 Feb 2006|10:36pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Your Evil Soul - The Spill Canvas ] i'm so sick and tired of all these emotions i feel. i thought maybe i'd be doing a little bit better by now, considering it's been almost two months since he broke up with me. but ohhh no, i'm a dumb, dumb girl. sunday, towanda sent me home early, because when we went on break, we were walking around the mall while towanda and lashandra decided what they wanted to eat, and we weren't really in a hurry since parties didn't start until like, 2 and it was 12 when we went on break. so we're walking around, and we walked by haggar, and i looked in, because it's a habit that is going to be a huge bitch to break..and there he was. as much as i tried, i couldn't hold the tears back, and by the time we got back to the speedpark, i was running to the bathroom to throw up. so monday comes along, and me and brittney went to the bowling alley with my mom since mondays are HER league night. in all the time me and daniel dated, he never went bowling on mondays..why the fuck start now? me and brittney were sitting at the table watchin' my mom's team bowl, and brittney goes "there's donnie and daniel and them.." and i was like wtf, and i turn around and sure enough, daniel and all his buddies were walking in. i ran to the bathroom to throw up. i went to the bathroom a couple times while they were there because i needed to throw up. knowing daniel and his friends though, they probably thought i was going over there because daniel was over there, but no that's not why. i was waiting on one of them to say something to me 'cos i would've told them if they're so damn paranoid, have their little friend that was with them to come to the bathroom and listen to me vomit. some girl was in there while i was throwing up and she gave me this look like..o.O haha. but then tj decided to go bowl in the lane beside them, and me and brittney had been talkin' to him all night, so before we left i went over to him to tell him something silly, and daniel was right there and i think he was kinda aggravated, but you know what? I DONT CARE BECAUSE HE'S MY FAMILY NOT DANIEL'S and i'll talk to whoever the fuck i want. i told daniel when we broke up that i was going to go to the bowling alley still because i went before i knew him and i'm not going to stop just because he's being a jerk. Now the irony hits.. Tonight, erin came over and we were gonna go out. well, we went to the atm to deposit her check and all that good stuff, and then around 6 we decided to go driving, but we weren't sure where we were going to go. well, we eventually decided to go to razmataz to visit brian, but by the time we decided, i had to take the interstate to get there. k, for those of you who don't know..razmataz is in kannapolis.. so yeah, we took lane street to get to 29 to get to razmataz..so we're at the stop light, and i'm in the right turn lane, and i'm lookin' to see if it's okay for me to pull out and it wasn't 'cos there was a lot of traffic coming..and i look over in the left turn lane..and it was a silver car and i looked and the guy looked like daniel, and i looked and there was that little necklace thing hanging from the rearview mirror so i look closer at the driver..and lo and behold, it's fucking daniel.. so i drive off when the light turns green, and i got sick to my stomach and at the next stop light, i threw up. i'm so tired of all this shit. i don't want to feel anything anymore. my family has enough issues that i'm having to deal with..i don't need this too. i'm trying to keep myself as far out as i can of this depression. i mean i know it's not going to go away overnight, but still..i'm trying to keep myself stable. that's why i'm not looking for a relationship with anybody. i've been doing pretty good keeping my mind off of him for the most part. but it's so fucking hard, and then seeing him..goodness fucking gracious. but anyways.. me and my moved back to concord so now we aren't in the middle of fucking nowhere. the only problem is now we're like six houses down from brandon. UGH. but we're three houses down from dusty, and him and chris have been comin' over to hang out sometimes, so it's not too bad. and now maribel is moving across the street :) me and erin have been hanging out almost every day. I'm super happy she moved back from wilmington :) she's the only friend who's stuck around for so long :) <3 and brittney's been coming over too :) i'm glad we didn't let brandon get between us, especially considering it's brandon. HA. every time we fucking go to walmart while he's working he calls lisa and says we're stalking him or harassing him..HELLOOOOOO IT'S WALMART. WE'RE ALLOWED TO GO SHOPPING. lisa told us to go to the one in kannapolis, and i'm sorry, no. i'm not driving way out of my way to please that dumbass boy. if he wants to keep fucking with me, i'm going to file a complaint against him because every time i go to shop while he's working, him and his coworkers say shit to me and whoever i'm with. i'm not changing stores either because walmart is the store that has my vegan food, and i don't think i should have to change where i shop. you have a problem, change where you work, but i'm not going anywhere. and keep fucking and you won't have a job because my mom knows a lot of people who work at walmart, and they've all worked there a hell of a lot longer than brandon has..so fuck with me and that boy will not have a job, because what him and his friends say and shit when i go grocery shopping over there..IT'S HARASSMENT. keep fucking. i applied at onstar, and i had my follow up interview and they gave me a drug test, so now all i have to do is wait for them to call back. i had the interview last monday, and they said they'll call me when they find out when training will start. ohhh i'm praying that i get this job, it pays so much more than speedpark, and it seems to be a lot more fun than speedpark. i hate the speedpark sooo bad i don't even want to go back there anymore. so if i get this job at onstar, then i'm going to quit speedpark. I'm just a dumb girl. 1 Angel|Sing for me, my angel of music

I miss you so much [18 Oct 2005|06:31pm] so because of the wreck and because of plane tickets being ridiculously high, i won't be going to missouri this weekend unless by some miracle plane ticket prices are cut in half. me and jason talked about it and if i don't get to go this weekend, i'll go november 5th hopefully. i don't know, but i do know that i fucking miss him like unbelievablely crazy. i just want to go up there so i can be with him. nothing else matters when i'm with him. i don't feel self-conscience around him like i do with everyone else. i don't worry about every move i make in fear of people thinking i'm stupid or something. he likes me for me and i loveeeeeeeeeeee that. i don't stress over everything with him. when i'm with him, it's just that..me and him. nothing and nobody else. it's as if time stops while i'm with him and nothing else matters. gah, i'm so crazy about him. he makes me so happy. :) 3 Angels|Sing for me, my angel of music

You mean so much to me [29 Sep 2005|02:13pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Fall Out Boy - Sugar We're Going Down ] So I definately haven't updated this thing in like a million years. Usually I write entries on myspace in their blogs they have.But I'm bored so I'm going to update. A lot has happened since the last time I updated, but it's definately more than I feel like typing. So I'll start with the important stuff :) So I'm now dating the most amazing guy ever..Jason. <3 We've been dating since June, when I went to go visit him in Missouri which is where he lives and goes to school. Boo. But we're doin' okay. We got into a fight a few weeks, but we're okay. :) I'm going to visit him again at the end of october. I miss him like crazy! He makes me amazingly happy. Like, it's crazy how happy I am when I am with him. He supports me being vegan though he eats meat. Which I think is great that he doesn't judge me or anything. And when I'm with him, you would not believe how incredibly happy I feel, it's like I'm the luckiest girl alive. I don't feel self-conscience or anything! It's so great. He always knows how to cheer me up. <3 I'm sooo lucky. :) I started college at UNCC, which isn't AS bad as I thought it'd be, but that definately doesn't say that I like it..because I don't. Most of my teachers are stupid. Especially Western History..the teacher gives us weekly quizzes on our readings, and I read..and still don't get the answers right because he picks the dumbest questions. Out of 150 kids, about 10 are passing. HOW DUMB. Our final is going to be on his lectures, not from the book. His lectures? They're about pointless junk, usually he talks about homosexuality in ancient rome and greece. Blah. Anyways. Warped Tour was in August. Me and Erin tabled with PETA at it. It was SOOOO much fun! You wouldn't believe how many vegans there are in this area! It's crazy! I can't wait 'til I get to table at a concert again! Sing for me, my angel of music

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